The Legend of the Loch Ness Monster

There we where.  Standing at the edge of the Loch Ness with our submarine at the water's edge.  My Arab friend Bobylon and I were ready for this next adventure at the bottom of the Loch Ness.  We were looking for the Loch Ness Monster, otherwise known as Nessie.  Bobylon had everything he needed for the beast; a rocket-launcher, bazooka, hand-grenades, sniper-rifle, and a gatling gun.

On the side of our submarine it read "Property of Colorado Smith."  That's me, Colorado Smith.  We got into the sub and prepared to descend into the deep.  We checked everything to make sure it was safe.  Then we descended into the deep of the home of the legendary Loch Ness Monster.

The monster, as described in folklore, was like an ancient dinosaur that survived for thousands of years in the deep of Loch Ness.  It had first been sighted by vikings and has been sighted many times since.  Bobylon and I were determined to catch the beast.

When we got down into the deep, Bobylon asked me, "So, Colorado, what are we going to do with the monster once we catch it?"

I answered him, "To be quite honest, Bobylon, I have no freaking idea how we'll even catch it."

Bobylon said, "You mean we're going to improvise and almost get killed again like always?"

"Yep," I said, "that's about it."

A dark shadow passed by our sub.  Bobylon and I looked at each other in fear.  "I don't like this," Bobylon said.

I replied, "I don't like this either."

A fin smashed into our sub and water poured in through a window and the room was filling up fast.  Bobylon and I were basically toast.  We tried steer the ship out of the way, but we were epically screwed.  Suddenly the lights went out.  We thought we were dead.

When we woke up we were on a beach with a rescue crew and our submarine in pieces.  Thank God we were alive.  A young girl ran out to meet me.  "Cole!" she cried.  This was emabarrassing.  It was my girlfriend Alice.  I thought the guy was supposed to come to the girl's side, but this was okay.  After all, we were safe and it looked like Nessie was to never be found.  I decided to leave it that way.

                                                               THE END

The Revenge of Osama Bin Laden, Part 2

After finding the body of Osama Bin Laden, the world's most hated (and thankfully dead) terrorist, Bobylon and I had the skeletal remains of the creep wrapped in cloth with a tag that read, "Property of Colorado Smith," that's me, the youngest archeologist of our time. 

Bobylon, my Arab friend, was still uneasy about the whole situation.  Bobylon usually wasn't so cowardice, so by now I should have put two and two together to realize that when Bobylon's scared, I should be scared.  When Bobylon has a machine and/or a boozaka the dude's like freaking Rambo or something, and he loves weapons.  You know how our president said, "You don't want to be between Michelle and a tamale."?   well...you don't want to be between Bobylon and a gatling gun.

We had finally gotten the body on board and stored away when we went to or sleeping quarters.  Bobylon almost always slept with a gun under his pillow, now he slept with a gun under his pillow, a rocket-laucher in his arms, a knife holstered to his side, and a bullet proof vest on his chest.  This was the first time I thought that maybe Bobylon was nervous more than usual.  Just then we heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

Bobylon shouted at the door, "You have ten seconds to answer before I blow your head off!"

"Boby!" I shouted, "Put that rocket-launcher away!"

Finally the person who knocked said, "They weren't there."

I was confused.  "Who wasn't there?" I asked.

The voice replied, "My seventy-two...Oh, never mind.  I'm just looking for Colorado Smith and Bobylon"

Bobylon spoke up, "Sorry we can't get you connected.  Please hang up and try again!"  Finally the door was kicked down and in walked a tall skeletal figure with beard, a turban, eyes in his sockets, and a large gaping hole in his head.  Bobylon said, "Are you...Achmed the dead terrorist?"

"No!" was the stranger's reply, "I'm not a puppet controled by Jeff Dunham!  I am..."

"Oh!" said Bobylon, "I know this one!  'I am your father!'  It's from 'Star Wars' right?"

"Shut up!" said the creep, "I am Osama Bin Laden!  The modern day Adolf Hitler!"

"Hitler's dead," I replied.

"And he had a better hair-cut than you," added Bobylon.  Then he said to me, "I told you we should've left him at the bottom of the sea."

Obama...er, I mean Osama shouted, "Enough!  Now, are you two going to settle down or do I have to seperate you two!?"

We sat there silently.  Then I said, "Hey Bobylon, show him your baby."

"What?" came Bobylon's reply, "I'm NOT a mother!"

"No!" I said, "I mean your baby," with that I winked at him.

Bobylon knew exactly what I meant now.  He pulled out his rocket-launcher and said, "This is my baby.  His name is..."

"That's a girl," came Osama's reply.

"Okay," he said, "her name is Alice!"

I scowled at Bobylon and said, "You named her after my girlfriend!?"

"Maybe," said Bobylon.  With that he shot the dead terrorist and Osama blew up into a million pieces.  We ran outside with our weapons and heard a distant voice chant,

To Hell I go, I go
For my disdeeds are rewarded
Be wary lest you come here to
For it is torturous to death.

After hearing the creepy chants, I leaned over to Bobylon and asked, "You named her after Alice?"
  
                                                      THE END

The Revenge of Osama Bin Laden, Part 1

  Another adventure.  That's what we were tackling now.  I never thought we'd ever fight such an evil force (well maybe) but due to the recent death of Osama Bin Laden and his burial at sea I, Colorado Smith, youngest archeologist of our time, and my Arab friend Bobylon where set out to find the body of the well known terrorist.  Why?  Because I personally felt that his body belonged in a museum.  What a mistake that was!

We figured we'd run into some kind of trouble trying to find the body, but to be honest it was pretty easy (aside from Bobylon kicking and screaming that this was a bad idea).  We located the exact coordinantes of the place they dumped the dirt-bag Bin Laden and from the ship we where on, we dove down into the water to get it.

When swam down with our oxygen tanks Bobylon still didn't seem to feel safe.  He told me in sign language, "This is a bad idea, Cole!  He's dead and we should leave him like that."  Boby himself was a former Muslim and did not feel comfortable with this mission.

"Relax!" I signed back, "He's dead meat, Boby, and there's no way he can hurt us."

Bobylon then reminded me, "That's what we thought about King Jeffry, Count Spatula, and Adolf Spitler!  And they all returned from the grave to kill us!"

"Okay," I signed, "First of all it was King Jedephri, Count Dracua, and Adolf Hitler. And second, what is the possibility that after being attacked by a mummy, a vampire, and a zombie dictator  we'll have to fight the corpse of Obama Bin Laden?"

"You mean Osama," Bobylon corrected.

"Yeah," I said, "I mean Osama."  We dove deeper into the ocean to find the corpse when we reached the bottom a skeletal hand reached out to grab Bobylon.  In a panic Bobylon kicked and screamed until I pointed out that the hand had come up accidently.  We had found Osama Bin Laden.

                                                    TO BE CONTINUED...

So since Colorado Smith is largely based on Indiana Jones, here's a tribute to the original character.

I totally love "Get Smart" (not the lame movie with Steve Carrell with all the dumb sex joke >:P) so here's a video clip of the old 60s show. Enjoy!

The Random Life

So I'm trying to find this one dude's blog called "The Random Life."  He's actually right next to me on his blog now and I can't find his blog.  And yes, this is the same Silas who goofed around with the spelling of one of my video titles.  So what is this, the case of the missing blog or what? 

So I really don't know what to write so I'm just writing.  I can tell you I am post-poning the making the making of "Raiders of the Holy Tomb" and am now focused on "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesus."  I might just end up giving the video to some friends who are good at this stuff.  While I was making a file for the video this dude Silas hits a button on my computer while I'm typing the movie title "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesus" now reads "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesusf."  But I think I know what it's supposed to say so yeah...whatever.  So freakin' sue me.  So I'm also planning another Colorado Smith adventure in the summer.  I plan to call it "Colorado Smith and the Staff of Moses."  In this one I plan to add a female character to the mix.  And hopefully have some comedic musical numbers and some off-the-wall kind of humor.  I have a friend who is possibly interested in the role, I will have to communicate with her on the subject, also communicate with the other cast members.