The Legend of the Loch Ness Monster

There we where.  Standing at the edge of the Loch Ness with our submarine at the water's edge.  My Arab friend Bobylon and I were ready for this next adventure at the bottom of the Loch Ness.  We were looking for the Loch Ness Monster, otherwise known as Nessie.  Bobylon had everything he needed for the beast; a rocket-launcher, bazooka, hand-grenades, sniper-rifle, and a gatling gun.

On the side of our submarine it read "Property of Colorado Smith."  That's me, Colorado Smith.  We got into the sub and prepared to descend into the deep.  We checked everything to make sure it was safe.  Then we descended into the deep of the home of the legendary Loch Ness Monster.

The monster, as described in folklore, was like an ancient dinosaur that survived for thousands of years in the deep of Loch Ness.  It had first been sighted by vikings and has been sighted many times since.  Bobylon and I were determined to catch the beast.

When we got down into the deep, Bobylon asked me, "So, Colorado, what are we going to do with the monster once we catch it?"

I answered him, "To be quite honest, Bobylon, I have no freaking idea how we'll even catch it."

Bobylon said, "You mean we're going to improvise and almost get killed again like always?"

"Yep," I said, "that's about it."

A dark shadow passed by our sub.  Bobylon and I looked at each other in fear.  "I don't like this," Bobylon said.

I replied, "I don't like this either."

A fin smashed into our sub and water poured in through a window and the room was filling up fast.  Bobylon and I were basically toast.  We tried steer the ship out of the way, but we were epically screwed.  Suddenly the lights went out.  We thought we were dead.

When we woke up we were on a beach with a rescue crew and our submarine in pieces.  Thank God we were alive.  A young girl ran out to meet me.  "Cole!" she cried.  This was emabarrassing.  It was my girlfriend Alice.  I thought the guy was supposed to come to the girl's side, but this was okay.  After all, we were safe and it looked like Nessie was to never be found.  I decided to leave it that way.

                                                               THE END

The Revenge of Osama Bin Laden, Part 2

After finding the body of Osama Bin Laden, the world's most hated (and thankfully dead) terrorist, Bobylon and I had the skeletal remains of the creep wrapped in cloth with a tag that read, "Property of Colorado Smith," that's me, the youngest archeologist of our time. 

Bobylon, my Arab friend, was still uneasy about the whole situation.  Bobylon usually wasn't so cowardice, so by now I should have put two and two together to realize that when Bobylon's scared, I should be scared.  When Bobylon has a machine and/or a boozaka the dude's like freaking Rambo or something, and he loves weapons.  You know how our president said, "You don't want to be between Michelle and a tamale."?   well...you don't want to be between Bobylon and a gatling gun.

We had finally gotten the body on board and stored away when we went to or sleeping quarters.  Bobylon almost always slept with a gun under his pillow, now he slept with a gun under his pillow, a rocket-laucher in his arms, a knife holstered to his side, and a bullet proof vest on his chest.  This was the first time I thought that maybe Bobylon was nervous more than usual.  Just then we heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I asked.

Bobylon shouted at the door, "You have ten seconds to answer before I blow your head off!"

"Boby!" I shouted, "Put that rocket-launcher away!"

Finally the person who knocked said, "They weren't there."

I was confused.  "Who wasn't there?" I asked.

The voice replied, "My seventy-two...Oh, never mind.  I'm just looking for Colorado Smith and Bobylon"

Bobylon spoke up, "Sorry we can't get you connected.  Please hang up and try again!"  Finally the door was kicked down and in walked a tall skeletal figure with beard, a turban, eyes in his sockets, and a large gaping hole in his head.  Bobylon said, "Are you...Achmed the dead terrorist?"

"No!" was the stranger's reply, "I'm not a puppet controled by Jeff Dunham!  I am..."

"Oh!" said Bobylon, "I know this one!  'I am your father!'  It's from 'Star Wars' right?"

"Shut up!" said the creep, "I am Osama Bin Laden!  The modern day Adolf Hitler!"

"Hitler's dead," I replied.

"And he had a better hair-cut than you," added Bobylon.  Then he said to me, "I told you we should've left him at the bottom of the sea."

Obama...er, I mean Osama shouted, "Enough!  Now, are you two going to settle down or do I have to seperate you two!?"

We sat there silently.  Then I said, "Hey Bobylon, show him your baby."

"What?" came Bobylon's reply, "I'm NOT a mother!"

"No!" I said, "I mean your baby," with that I winked at him.

Bobylon knew exactly what I meant now.  He pulled out his rocket-launcher and said, "This is my baby.  His name is..."

"That's a girl," came Osama's reply.

"Okay," he said, "her name is Alice!"

I scowled at Bobylon and said, "You named her after my girlfriend!?"

"Maybe," said Bobylon.  With that he shot the dead terrorist and Osama blew up into a million pieces.  We ran outside with our weapons and heard a distant voice chant,

To Hell I go, I go
For my disdeeds are rewarded
Be wary lest you come here to
For it is torturous to death.

After hearing the creepy chants, I leaned over to Bobylon and asked, "You named her after Alice?"
  
                                                      THE END

The Revenge of Osama Bin Laden, Part 1

  Another adventure.  That's what we were tackling now.  I never thought we'd ever fight such an evil force (well maybe) but due to the recent death of Osama Bin Laden and his burial at sea I, Colorado Smith, youngest archeologist of our time, and my Arab friend Bobylon where set out to find the body of the well known terrorist.  Why?  Because I personally felt that his body belonged in a museum.  What a mistake that was!

We figured we'd run into some kind of trouble trying to find the body, but to be honest it was pretty easy (aside from Bobylon kicking and screaming that this was a bad idea).  We located the exact coordinantes of the place they dumped the dirt-bag Bin Laden and from the ship we where on, we dove down into the water to get it.

When swam down with our oxygen tanks Bobylon still didn't seem to feel safe.  He told me in sign language, "This is a bad idea, Cole!  He's dead and we should leave him like that."  Boby himself was a former Muslim and did not feel comfortable with this mission.

"Relax!" I signed back, "He's dead meat, Boby, and there's no way he can hurt us."

Bobylon then reminded me, "That's what we thought about King Jeffry, Count Spatula, and Adolf Spitler!  And they all returned from the grave to kill us!"

"Okay," I signed, "First of all it was King Jedephri, Count Dracua, and Adolf Hitler. And second, what is the possibility that after being attacked by a mummy, a vampire, and a zombie dictator  we'll have to fight the corpse of Obama Bin Laden?"

"You mean Osama," Bobylon corrected.

"Yeah," I said, "I mean Osama."  We dove deeper into the ocean to find the corpse when we reached the bottom a skeletal hand reached out to grab Bobylon.  In a panic Bobylon kicked and screamed until I pointed out that the hand had come up accidently.  We had found Osama Bin Laden.

                                                    TO BE CONTINUED...

So since Colorado Smith is largely based on Indiana Jones, here's a tribute to the original character.

I totally love "Get Smart" (not the lame movie with Steve Carrell with all the dumb sex joke >:P) so here's a video clip of the old 60s show. Enjoy!

The Random Life

So I'm trying to find this one dude's blog called "The Random Life."  He's actually right next to me on his blog now and I can't find his blog.  And yes, this is the same Silas who goofed around with the spelling of one of my video titles.  So what is this, the case of the missing blog or what? 

So I really don't know what to write so I'm just writing.  I can tell you I am post-poning the making the making of "Raiders of the Holy Tomb" and am now focused on "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesus."  I might just end up giving the video to some friends who are good at this stuff.  While I was making a file for the video this dude Silas hits a button on my computer while I'm typing the movie title "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesus" now reads "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesusf."  But I think I know what it's supposed to say so yeah...whatever.  So freakin' sue me.  So I'm also planning another Colorado Smith adventure in the summer.  I plan to call it "Colorado Smith and the Staff of Moses."  In this one I plan to add a female character to the mix.  And hopefully have some comedic musical numbers and some off-the-wall kind of humor.  I have a friend who is possibly interested in the role, I will have to communicate with her on the subject, also communicate with the other cast members.

Troubles with video downloads

So I used my camera to film our next episode "Colorado Smith and the Sandals of Jesus."  The video itself was filmed easily except I have to do a voice-over in one scene and I have to upload the video on a computer and I am very illiterate in computers.  Usually some other members of the Big Smile Productions edit the videos and put them on DVDs.  After this episode I'm leaving all the video stuff to them.  I have another scene where the camera wasn't stopped from it's recording in time and I have a couple of bloopers I want to put after the movie itself.

Colorado Smith and the Battle of Pearl Harbor

Pearl Harbor.  This was the first time Bobylon and I (Colorado Smith, youngest archeologist of our time) had visited the place.  Pearl Harbor had a great and sad story to tell.  Naturally being a history buff I had always wanted to visit places like Pearl Harbor with bright sunlight and seagulls flying above us with the calm Pacific.  It was another vacation about to go bad.

Bobylon and I were about to walk into the Pearl Harbor Museum when Bobylon asked, "So, Cole, what is so important about Pearl Harbor?"

In complete astonishment I shushed him, looked around to make sure no one had heard him, and began, "Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese back in World War II.  America had had some problems with Japan before, so when they bombed us on December 7th, 1941 America went to war against Japan."

"That's pretty amazing," replied Bobylon.  "What did the Japanese call their operation?"

I answered his question, "It was called the Hawaii Operation or Operation Z.  It was brought on by the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters."

"That's a mouthful," said Bobylon.

I continued, Japan hit us with 353 Japanese fighters.  Four US Navy battleships were sunk.  Two were later resurfaced and used in the war."

Bobylon looked astonished.  "What did the damage look like?" he asked.

Ianswered, "188 aircrafts were destroyed, 2,402 men were killed, and 1, 282 were wounded."

"How soon did the Americans fight back?" he asked.

My answer came quickly, "The very next day, December 8th, President Franklin D. Roosevelt declared war on Japan, which in turn lead us into World War II."

Bobylon looked confused, he asked, "What does this have to do with World War II?"

Knowing this was a very good question I answered, "Operations the US were doing prompted Germany and Italy to declare war on America on December 11th.  America decided to kick their butts that very same day."

"What did President Roosevelt have to say about the Pearl Harbor attack?" was Bobylon's last question.

"Well," I said, "President Roosevelt described December 7th as 'a day that will live in infamy.'"

Bobylon looked entusiastic about finding out more when something bad happened.  A dark cloud came over Pearl Harbor and the chant of some undead supernatural creatures were heard off in the distance.  A large ghost like sea vessel approached the harbor.  Fear welled inside me when I saw who stood at the front of the ship.  It was noe other than Adolf Hitler!  How was Hitler alive in AD 2011?  Well the answer is simple; he wasn't alive, he was an undead zombie.

He shouted something in German, which I clearly understood to be, "Kill them all!  Jews first!"

"Come on," I thought, "are you still tied up on that?"  Hitler was kind of racist against Jews, like a lot.  But that's another story.  Soon an army of Nazi Zombies jumped out of the ship and landed on Pearl Harbor.  Their eyes glowed a demonic red, their skin was yellow and looked easy to peel off, their teeth were all crooked and they drooled as if they were hungry for flesh, which they were.

Bobylon and I grabbed crow bars from a worksite and attacked the zombies.  After all, everyone knows that crow bars work best in a zombie apocolypse.  We attacked, but first we looked at each other and shouted, "This...is...HAWAII!!"  With that we attacked the zombies head-on.

The military came out and shot up a bunch of Nazi Zombies.  Zombie Hitler cried from his post in German, "Destroy the ones with crow bars!  Everyone knows that crow bars work best in a zombie apocolypse!"  Atleast the Fuehrer and I agree on something.

I had an idea.  Zombies loved eating flesh, so I decided to get the best kind of meat around.  I ran into a resaurant and came out with a receipt and a greasy burger.  I shouted, "America!"  With that I chucked the burger at the ship.  It flew right over Zombie Hitler's head.

All the other zombies turned towards the ship and exclaimed at once, "Oh, Burger King!  We worship thee!"  All the zombies entered the ship not knowing that Hitler was hungrily devouring the Six Dollar Burger, which costs more than six dollars at a tourists' site by the way.  When they got on the ship an American bomber flew over head and bombed the ship.  More aircrafts came to finish them off and eventually the entire ship blew up.

THE END

The Story of Colorado Smith

The Adventures of Colorado Smith started in a small church camp in Eureka, CA.  I had the idea of Colorado Smith brewing for some time, I just didn't have the means to bring the character to life.  Then we, the campers, were informed that our cabins would be making skits.  I leapt at the opportunity to finally introduce my character, and thus Colorado Smith was born.

The skit we did was going to be called "Colorado Smith and the Book of SOT."  It was decided that Colorado should have a partner, an Arab partner.  One of my fellow campers suggested the name Bobylon.  Bobylon ever since then has been the Robin to Colorado's Batman.

"Colorado Smith and the Book of SOT" starts in the home of 15 year old Colorado Smith with his dying grandfather.  His grandfather informs Colorado of an ancient book that he has always sought after but could never find.  This book was called the Book of SOT (SOT stood for our cabin name, Spirit of Truth).  When Colorado's grandfather dies, Colorado makes plans to find the book with the help of some friends.  Unfortunately his friends think he's crazy and won't help him.  After Colorado leaves angrily, one "friend" named Methusella suggests that perhaps this ancient book is for real (even though they just sang a song about how stupid Colorado is) they set out to locate this book before Colorado does.

Colorado leaves the state of Colorado and travels to Saudi Arabia where he meets his old friend, and black market dealer, Bobylon who agrees to help Colorado in his quest.  Colorado asks Bobylon what he thinks SOT stands for.  Bobylon believes it means Strength of Titans.  As they travel along they are confronted by Methusella and the rest of Colorado's old friends.  All three of the old friends try to kill Colorado, Bobyln, and Colorado's pet slug Ananbe (Anan-uh-bay).  One enemy is blown up by some dynamite that Bobylon has been carrying, another falls into sinking sand, the third one  makes the mistake of killing Colorado's pet slug Ananabe.  Colorado being infuriated kicks his enemy in the leg and leaves him in the wilderness to die.  This last villian to die ends up being killed by a blond bear.

After the loss of their allie, Colorado and Bobylon wonder into a cave where they find on a pedastal the Book of SOT, written on the scroll below it is the words, "Spirit if Truth."  Bobylon and Colorado realize why the book has this title when Colorado opens up the book and finds that it is a Bible.  As the heros exit, the ghost of Colorado's grandfather appears behind them and says, "Good job, Colorado. Good job."